Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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