I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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