goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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