she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
