i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
