u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
