i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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