If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
