The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
