i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
