i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
