69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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