Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
