R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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