I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
