I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
