so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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