She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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