I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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