I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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