he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking