used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY