I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?