I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
