apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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