In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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