I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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