Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
