Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize