I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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