I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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