we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
