So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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