I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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