I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
