My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
