Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
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but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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