I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
