I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
