i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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