i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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