stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
