hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
