for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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