there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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