just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
