two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
