they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
