I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
