If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
