I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
