What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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