I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
