so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
