the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
