can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
