The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
