one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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