phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
false alarm, still single
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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