Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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