im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
