Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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