Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
