forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
